Property data fuels a Smarty-er search for Sasquatch

Bigfoot. 

Sasquatch. 

*Ol’ Filthy Albert. 

No matter what you call him, you know who we’re talking about: the hairy giant cryptid who haunts our collective imagination and, according to about 13% of the US population, wanders the American wilderness. 

The traditional perception of Sasquatch is that of a solitary creature whose run-ins with people are the unavoidable consequence of human development and exploration. If recent sightings are any indication, it seems the legendary creature may have more on their mind than just staying hidden.

Could it be that the ‘Foots are intentionally scouting the fringes of human territory? And does one outlandish question invite another? 

In cryptozoology, almost always. 

Is Sasquatch exploring human neighborhoods in the hopes of designing his dream home? 

And if so, can Smarty’s address intelligence tools help determine where he’s headed next? 

*Editor's note: Careful analysis of the timing and geographical distribution of reported sightings suggests that "Ol' Filthy Albert" is not, as previously theorized, an alternate Bigfoot moniker; instead, it likely refers to the author's maternal uncle, whose community disturbances following overindulgence on St. Patrick's Day have been well-documented. 

Smarty’s hypothesis

Sasquatch, tempted by the prospect of modern amenities and just plain sick of roughing it, has been conducting scouting expeditions in human-populated areas to identify the property attributes they find most desirable. We can only speculate whether this activity indicates imminent real estate investment or the construction of a Bigfoot utopia. 

Sighting hotspots near human settlements directly result from these property scouting ventures and represent a massive opportunity for ongoing research.

Bigfoot and property data: A novel approach

Despite amateur researchers' varied and dedicated efforts and several formal studies, believers have been unable to uncover universally convincing evidence of Bigfoot's existence. 

The blurry photos and shaky video footage that comprise the majority of Bigfoot media suggest that the limiting factor of evidence quality is a lack of preparation; as they say in the ‘Squatch business, 

“ya can’t capture the ‘Foots if ya ain’t expectin’ the ‘Foots."

By analyzing sighting patterns to determine the types of properties these great beasts covet, we hope to predict the ‘Foot’s future movements and furnish intrepid researchers with the preparatory window they need to capture definitive proof of the Hirsute Homie himself. 

We posit that this data-driven approach will yield better results than the more esoteric sources of knowledge —spiritual mediums, remote viewing, comments from your cousin’s Facebook page, Ted Nugent, et al.—that have informed past search efforts. 

Methodology

Step 1: Identifying hotspots

To ascertain likely locations for Bigfoot’s previous home hunting expeditions, we turned to The Bigfoot Mapping Project (BMP). This GIS-powered website plots historical and user-reported sightings to present a comprehensive and up-to-date picture of nationwide Sasquatch sightings. 

We used the BMP’s built-in “Sightings Hotspot Grid” to quickly identify areas with statistically significant ‘Foot activity; perhaps unsurprisingly, these tend toward remote and forested locations, including national and state forests, mountains, nature preserves, and designated wildlife and recreation areas.

Since we can’t analyze areas without property addresses, we ruled many of these hotspots out, focusing only on areas characterized by both high sighting concentration and significant human habitation; this approach left us with the following 8 locations. 

 

*Editor’s note: Sightings in the southeastern United States are often attributed to the Skunk Ape or Swamp Ape, a cryptid that may be synonymous with or a relative of Sasquatch. For this analysis, we are disregarding the distinction.  

Step 2: Creating a property list 

For the next step of our analysis, we needed to generate a list of verified property addresses based on the selected coordinates. We visually estimated the centroid—the geometric center point—of each hotspot cluster, then used BMP’s coordinates tool to find the latitude and longitude for the selected points.  

Using these coordinates as our input, we employed Smarty’s US Reverse Geocoding tool to identify the ~10 nearest addresses (by linear distance) to the grid centroid. This provided us with 87 verified addresses for analysis. 

Step 3: Enriching the dataset 

Now armed with our list of addresses, we needed to learn what kind of properties have historically floated Bigfoot’s boat. 

For this purpose, we fed the 87 properties into our US Address Enrichment API, enriching each verified address with a detailed property profile comprising its locational, structural, and financial characteristics. 

Equipped with 350+ unique attributes—everything from building materials and heating systems to acreage and market values—we could finally conduct the hard-hitting analysis the cryptid community has been clamoring for. 

Findings

A thorough analysis of our dataset revealed interesting property attribute patterns in each hotspot-sighting cluster. Prominent themes also emerged for the combined dataset. Both sets of findings are presented below, along with our speculations about what might be on Bigfoot’s mind. 

New Alexandria, Pennsylvania 

A rural farming community in western Pennsylvania's deciduous forest region, with properties clustered along McChesney Road and Galando Road.

• Rural farm country with abundant places to hide
• Agricultural properties provide occasional snack opportunities (crops)
• Low assessment values mean Bigfoot pays minimal property taxes (if he were to file)
• Older structures often have attics, basements, and outbuildings perfect for secretive living
• Multiple connected properties along McChesney Road allow for easy movement between hideouts
• Low population density means fewer witnesses to document unusual footprints
• Stables and barns provide alternative shelter during harsh Pennsylvania winters

Coshocton, Ohio 

A transitional rural area in east-central Ohio's mixed forest biome, with addresses concentrated along County Road 16.

• Mix of older homes (some 1900s) with potential hidden spaces and secret passageways
• Water wells and septic systems mean no municipal water workers coming to read meters
• High traffic area notes suggest good opportunities for quick roadside appearances
• Pole structures and outbuildings provide multiple shelter options
• Affordable properties for the budget-conscious cryptid
• Rural character with abundant hiding spots

Jacksonville, Florida

A cluster of manufactured homes in northeastern Florida's pine flatwoods ecosystem, primarily located in the Deerfield subdivision.

• Manufactured homes are easier to modify for larger, hairier occupants
• Central air conditioning essential for a fur-covered cryptid in Florida humidity
• Enclosed porches provide semi-outdoor spaces for observing humans without exposure
• Homestead exemptions reduce tax liability for budget-conscious cryptids
• Several 1990s-2000s properties with modern amenities for the sophisticated Sasquatch

Divide, Colorado

A high-elevation mountain community in central Colorado's montane forest zone, with properties spread along County Road 5 near Florissant Canyon.

• Massive 40-acre lots provide essential privacy for a 7-foot-tall cryptid
• Dense forest coverage offers natural camouflage against curious humans
• Mountain setting with minimal neighbors (nearest neighbors often 1/4 mile away)
• Natural materials (log cabins blend naturally with surroundings)
• Abundant deck space for moonlit Bigfoot relaxation after a day of evading cryptozoologists
• Nearby Florissant Canyon offers emergency escape routes into the wilderness
• Elevation around 9,000 feet puts Bigfoot above most human activity

Beavercreek, Oregon

A collection of upscale rural properties in northwestern Oregon's temperate rainforest, concentrated around Jones Road, Buckner Creek Road, and Howards Mill Road.

• Uniformly 5-acre lots provide consistent territory size for Bigfoot territorial instincts
• Extremely high land values suggest pristine natural surroundings worth protecting
• Portland proximity allows for occasional urban excursions to frighten hipsters
• Trust ownership patterns might let Bigfoot hide his true identity behind legal entities
• Heat pump systems for comfortable year-round living regardless of Pacific Northwest weather
• Significant recent appreciation shows Bigfoot is a savvy long-term investor

Washougal/Stevenson, Washington 

Rural properties in the Columbia River Gorge region of southwestern Washington's temperate rainforest, primarily along Kellett Road and Smith Cripe Road.

• Rolling terrain provides natural concealment opportunities
• Columbia River Gorge proximity offers spectacular views and escape routes
• Wood frame construction feels more natural to a forest-dwelling hominid
• Rural-suburban transition zone gives Bigfoot access to humans for observation while maintaining escape routes
• Large detached garages/carports provide storage for his collection of plaster casts of his own footprints
• Land value dominance suggests naturally beautiful surroundings worth preserving

Montesano, Washington

A cluster of rural properties in western Washington's coastal forest ecosystem, all located along Black Creek Road in the Montesano area.

• Large acreage provides extensive roaming territory
• Mixed heating systems (baseboard, electric, wood) give options for seasonal comforts
• Predominantly wood exterior homes blend with natural surroundings
• Recent sales activity suggests humans moving in and out, creating opportunities for "sightings"
• Detached structures provide multiple hiding spots when researchers come looking
• Rural classification means minimal neighbor interaction

Quilcene, Washington

A concentration of homes on the Olympic Peninsula in northwestern Washington's temperate rainforest, mainly along Zion View Lane.

• Concentration on "Zion View Lane" (Bigfoot appreciates spiritual connections to nature)
• Olympic Peninsula proximity provides access to some of America's most pristine wilderness
• Pier/post foundations allow for underneath-house storage or hiding spots
• Substantial deck spaces for stargazing and contemplating human existence
• Mobile/manufactured homes easier to modify for oversized occupants
• Electric heating is preferred by modern, environmentally conscious cryptids

Bigfoot's overall real estate strategy

Analyzing these properties reveals Bigfoot's sophisticated approach to home selection:

1. Privacy premium: Strong preference for properties with significant acreage, natural barriers, and minimal close neighbors.
2. Infrastructure balance: Properties close enough to roads for access but far enough for privacy - perfect for mysterious appearances and quick disappearances.
3. Water access: Nearly all clusters feature properties near creeks, rivers, or with well water access - essential for hygiene maintenance.
4. Natural construction: Preference for wood, log, and natural materials that blend with surroundings and reduce detectability.
5. Multiple structures: Properties with outbuildings, barns, and detached garages feature prominently - suggesting Bigfoot needs space for hobbies or collecting human artifacts.
6. Investment savvy: A selection of properties with strong appreciation potential suggests Bigfoot could be building a diversified real estate portfolio for long-term financial security.

Conclusion

Cryptozoologists and amateur monster hunters alike employ a vast arsenal of techniques in the search for Sasquatch, from parabolic microphones and night vision goggles to expert woodcraft, imaginative vocalizations, and good old-fashioned gumption. 

However, the linchpin cryptozoologists have been missing this entire time is property data. By pairing new insights into Bigfoot’s behavior with rock-solid property data analysis, we’re providing believers with everything they need to predict Bigfoot’s movement and capture the truth we know is out there. 

No matter the method, we finally have the motive: like everyone else, Bigfoot’s just yearning for a safe and comfortable place to hang his hat.

Believers, rejoice: Smarty’s address data intelligence suite might just be the thing that finally cracks this Bigfoot case wide open. 

Special thanks to The Bigfoot Mapping Project! If you enjoyed this piece, consider buying them a coffee here.